I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
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