as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
