I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
