Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Bring me that man meat
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
