I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just cropdusted the office
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize