OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
