So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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