so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i've created a new STD.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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