Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
