you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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