A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
