Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
