Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
