we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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