So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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