I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
