isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize