Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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