he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
