Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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