Soap is not a condiment
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
