dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
