Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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