I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
