ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
