i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
