I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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