first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
