Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
