i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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