i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize