Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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