i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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