I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
