And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
