I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
