if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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