I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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