I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
