I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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