We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
