Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
