i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize