You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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