So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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