You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
