dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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