i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
