yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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