so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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