Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
only if we run a train.
done.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
