I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
