a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
