What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
