Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
