I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
