well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
