I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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