yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
