I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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