I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just found puke in my bra..
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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