Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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