So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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