does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
