The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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