Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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