apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize