some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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